I think I can, I think I can...

Well, I did it. I took my first step yesterday to a better financial future. I had my appointment with my lawyer and "retained" her. I also did the unceremonious shredding of the credit cards. My friend was right. My wallet feels "naked" without them sitting there. It's not like I was using them. They were sitting there as the reminder of all the debt I've gotten myself into. Now though, there is a sense of freedom. I will no longer be a slave to my debt. I will be the one holding the reins of my future. I NEED HELP!

As much as there is some sense of relief, there is still an overwhelming feeling of defeat. I've gotten myself into this mess, no one helped me. My attorney tried to make me feel better. Tried to tell me that I haven't had it easy-being a single mom, getting my college education, enduring the loss of 95% of my person possessions in a fire, not being able to find a full time job since I graduated. All these things have been piling up on my shoulders along with my debt. Unfortunately for a long time I ignored the words of people who really did care about me who were telling me that I was going down a road that was going to be hard to come back from. I've always been someone who has to learn from her own mistakes. Even if I've had to make those mistakes a couple of times. I just wish the "I told you so's" didn't sting as much. I've admitted my defeat. I was wrong. I never received a good financial education. I went with the "norm". What good does it do to continually throw it in my face over and over how deep I've dug my hole? Some people, even family, get joy out of being right, out of getting in the stabs whenever they can to feel as self righteous as possible I guess.

I WAS WRONG! I DID WRONG!

I'm not so narcissistic that I cannot admit when I'm wrong. I've been wrong before, and I'm about 99% sure that I'll be wrong in the future. But I'm going to fight with all my might not to be wrong about THIS again. Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt(and way to much other stuff I probably shouldn't have). Reality has slapped me the face...and I'm listening.

With that being said, I'm FIERCE. And, I CAN DO THIS!