Getting to the thick of it

OK so it's time for me to get real.

I'm broke. I'm so broke I can't even afford to pay attention half the time...which for those who know me is probably why I tend to ramble on from tangent to tangent pretty consistently.

So, here is my tale.

I went back to school in 2004. I was working at a Medical billing company, a very 9-5 job. I loved the people I worked with (most of the time), but hated what I did. So, after a few missed attempts at promotions, I decided I needed a change. I went back to school and got my Bachelors in Biology. In the course of my Bachelors I decided that I really wanted to be a teacher, so, after my undergrad, I went ahead and completed my Masters in Education.

During all this education, I worked, mostly part-time. I'm a single mom of, if I do say so, one of the brightest and smartest little boys I know, Zachariah. I've been out of my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and throughout Zach's life have always had my own place with him. In order to sustain a household and provide for us I worked part-time. I managed to stay on with the medical billing firm I worked for as a part-timer. They were very generous and even at one point allowed me to work into the evening to get hours in, pretty much inventing a shift. I left for a semester and they even re-hired me for 4-5 months. I finally left in October of 2008 for good and remained working at the community college that I had first attended as a Biology Lab assistant and tutor. It wasn't great money, just a few extra dollars in my pocket for gas. But for the most part, I lived off of student loans.

Now, this was my 3rd attempt at college. I had attended a SUNY University on Long Island right out of high school when I was 17. A mixture of breaking out of my parent's control, drinking, and getting Mono forced me to withdraw after one semester. I continued with 2 night classes the following semester, but at that point in time had just about had it with school, and didn't continue on. I worked, and after getting laid off went back to school when I was 23 for communications and radio/television broadcasting. I loved it. I loved the classes, I loved the hands on work, I loved going from school to school playing dances, I loved participating in charity events. I did not, however, care for the wages of a radio on-air personality. So, after having my son, I went to work for a medical billing company. Which then brings us full circle to the beginning of my tail, me returning to school in 2004 at the age of 29.

Going back to school allowed me to put previous student loans on deferment. But, in order to pay rent, buy groceries, pay for car insurance, pay the electric bill, phone bill, cell bill, cable bill, (etc...) I used student loans. During school the one thing you worry about is studying, and papers, and studying, and exams, and making sure you are doing everything in your power to absorb the course information so that you get a good grade and can move on to more interesting yet more difficult level classes in the next semester. You are not worrying about the amount of money that you are borrowing so that you can go ahead and attend said classes and pay your living expenses while doing so.

But that, unfortunately, is where I am now. Eight months after my final graduation and I am faced with $130,000 in student loan debt. Yes, you read that right. $130,000.00 give or take some change. $81,000 of that debt is private student loans, with the rest being federally back student loans.

What's the difference you ask? Oh, please let me enlighten you. Federally back student loans, a.k.a. FFELP loans, are backed by just that, the federal government. They are serviced by a company, such as Sallie Mae, American Education Services, or a number of other companies that do the same job, but there is a guarantee. If you do not pay your student loans, the federal government guarantees those loans. Meaning, you don't pay, they will. Oh-you'll pay regardless. The federal government will sue you, garnish your wages, and claim any rights to any income tax refunds you may have for the rest of your life(or until you being to pay of course).

Private student loans, well, they are very similar to a personal loan that is taken out for 15-30 years. Right now, my monthly payment is going to be about $1000 for all my private student loans. Even when (not if...WHEN) I get my luxurious full time teaching position, I will not be able to afford that payment. As of right now, I have them calling and sending me notice after notice about the balance and amounts due.

So...I called an attorney. I'm not proud of it. I'm down right embarrassed about it. I've had a sinking feeling in my stomach for a few months now, knowing that it might come to this. This might be my only option at this point though.

One thing I do know, is I have to learn to manage my money better. I'm (gulp...) 34, and I am crappy with money! There...I admit it, I'm bad with money. I need help. I can't ask my parents for help. As with most kid/parent relationships I mostly feel like when I ask for advice from my parents I get a lecture. I don't need a lecture, I need tangible applicable methods that I can enact to better manage my money! A friend suggested a book...The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. So, tomorrow during my errands, I'm going to run my butt over to B&N and pick up a copy. I'm going to take the time to read it, and hopefully, get my financial future back on track.

I was scared to have to start this journey. But after I had the first conversation with the lawyer this morning, I feel a little better. There is still some apprehension there. I still have a long ways to go, but one of my favorite things to do is start on a new journey...so that's how I'm going to look at this, as a fresh new journey.

NBC debacle

OK, I'm not usually one to follow headlines concerning actors and actresses. Other than the cover of magazines I walk past endlessly at Price Chopper, I don't have the time to follow the Hollywood gossip. I don't care if Brad and Angelina are splitting, I don't care who is having a baby....

But, I feel compelled to comment on the whole Tonight Show scandal. Jay Leno gave up The Tonight Show which was deservingly rewarded to Conan O'Brien. Jimmy Fallon then took over Conan's late night time slot. Then the tiny snag in NBC's plan....Leno tanked in prime time.

Let's see. All Leno did was repackage his version of the Tonight Show and broadcast it at 10pm EST. He got rid of the desk and decided to talk to his guests family style. Same band. Same lame jokes. Same format pretty much. Had Leno decided to change things up...I don't know, try a variety show, ANYTHING different, he may have been able to capture some type of an audience. I'm sorry, I'm not forgoing watching my CSI to watch Jay...he's just not that interesting.

Getting to Conan. I love Conan. Conan is a late night host who SHOULD be up there with the greats of Carson and Letterman. He revolutionized his time slot. He brought new and interesting skits, he never beat a dead horse, he's personable and likable! Over the past few years I would either suffer through Leno or switch over to Letterman before Conan came on. Jimmy Fallon is doing a good job at filling the time slot, and is beginning to make a name for himself. Conan changed that time slot forever and has some mighty big shoes to fill.

Just recently within the last hour or so I've seen reports where NBC is coming to a deal with Conan for him to leave the network. How can I say this gently...okay, I can't.....NBC GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES! You are letting one of the best talents you have left on your network go! Yes, he's pretty much thrown you under the bus in the last week or so, but I'm sorry, you've done that yourselves with this seasons programming choices! Props for Mercy and Trauma...but what else have you brought to the table? You've lost Thursday and Sunday nights to ABC. You've lost Monday and Wednesday nights to CBS. You threw all this money into a 10pm time slot for Jay Leno which SUCKED....it was a carbon copy of his Tonight Show stint. Something tells me that stockholders should be taking a serious look at whether NBC executives are making sound investments in their programming future. America's Got Talent is not going to float a network.

It will be a sad night for The Tonight Show if Conan O'Brien is let go. It will be a once again boring time slot should NBC put Leno back in his place. O'Brien is right, NBC has not supported him and has not given him enough time to build an audience...it's been 7 months. Some shows take 1-2 seasons to build a fan base, but whatever you do, give this man some cement shoes instead of a life preserver.

1st solo movie....I CAN do it!

Ok ladies, and gentleman...I did it. I went to my very first movie all by myself. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a noble attempt, I even tried to ask a friend to go, who would have even gone had they not been under the weather. But, determined that I was going to get out of the house and see a movie, I went. I had a few options and had narrowed it down to either Sherlock Holmes, or a romantic comedy called Leap Year. Well, being a romantic at heart, I went and saw Leap Year. Now, on the scale of romantic comedies, this was a very cute movie. That being said, I do not recommend that a single woman going to the movies by herself for the very first time see a romantic comedy. Go see a full blown laugh out loud comedy. Steer away from the romantics.

I admit, I shed a few tears. But, without being with anyone...there was no one to comfort me. But, there was also no one to poke fun at me. Which, in my experience, tends to be what happens to me when I cry at a movie and I'm with someone. This leads me to think that maybe I have too tough an exterior? More on that for another blog. It's way to late to start philosophizing about my emotional health.

The important fact is, I did it. Funny enough, the friend that I tried to recruit to see a movie with me tonight was my inspiration for seeing a movie solo to being with. They had told me in the past that they have gone several times, and enjoyed it. So, I decided, hell, I'm independent enough, I don't NEED to have someone with me, I can go by myself. And, I did.

Conclusion: I can do it, but I enjoy seeing a movie with someone else much more. I'm a social creature, I can't help it. I enjoy the company of other people. It doesn't have to be a huge group, I'm good with one-on-one also. But, overall, I am a social person, and have a very extroverted personality. It's me, I can't help who I am.

Will I go to another solo movie? Maybe. Would I prefer the company of a special someone or friend? Always.

Monday Monday...can't stand that day...

No subbing today...which sucks, because I could totally use the money. Whilst in the shower today I came up with what I think to be a completely cool culminating activity for students with a Human Body Unit. I was thinking Human Body scavenger hunt with a Amazing Race twist. Students will have to race around the school to different areas....like the digestive system...start in the cafeteria, ends up in the bathroom? Nervous system...the Principal's office? And the student's would have to complete a short task to get the next clue to the next body system. Haven't got all the details sorted out, just wanted to get it out there so I don't forget it!

The first...

Wow...to begin blogging. I understand that I'm a late blooming blogger other than whatever blogging abilities you can have on a networking site like MySpace, but, I love starting new projects so...here I go! And being a very outspoken individual, this might be a most perfect forum for my insights and ramblings. I did very little research in preparation for this blog. As with most things, I jumped in feet first not knowing what lies ahead, just going with the feeling that it feels right.

It is a new year. Well, technically we are 3 days into the new year. I'm not one to usually make a New Year's Resolution; as a chronic procrastinator I tend not to keep them readily. The only resolution that I've actually kept was one that I made 4 years ago. My son Zachariah had started school and was learning about health and made a tearful plea across the dinner table that I quit smoking. I started smoking when I was 17 after I graduated high school. I had told myself for years, "Oh-I'll quit when I'm 25." Then it turned into convincing myself that I would quit by the time I was 30. Well, 9 days after I turned 30 I quit smoking. It was on December 30th, I was at work, it was 2:35pm in the afternoon. I had gone out as I usually did to smoke with co-workers on a break and I had smoked the last in the pack that I had. I remember I crumpled up my empty pack and tossed it in the garbage and explained "That was my last cigarette!" I remember my friend Tiffany exclaiming "You're quitting in the middle of the day?!?" I did. I haven't had a cigarette since.

Other than that pseudo resolution I don't usually make New Year's Resolutions. I call quitting smoking a pseudo resolution since I technically resolved to quit the day before New Year's. This year I made an exception to my not make a resolution. I have resolved to spend more quality time with my son. Over the past few years I have been completely engrossed in my own schooling. I went back to school in the Fall of 2004 to finish my bachelors. I then continued and received my Master's this last Spring. So much of my daily schedule was centered around which class I was going to, what studying did I have to do for each class, what assignments are due? Now my life is consumed by...where is the job that I can get with all this education???

So, I guess this blog will just be about me. As interesting or uninteresting that may be, it is what it is. It will catalog my comings and goings, my job searches, my son's achievements, and hopefully my achievements.