Getting to the thick of it

OK so it's time for me to get real.

I'm broke. I'm so broke I can't even afford to pay attention half the time...which for those who know me is probably why I tend to ramble on from tangent to tangent pretty consistently.

So, here is my tale.

I went back to school in 2004. I was working at a Medical billing company, a very 9-5 job. I loved the people I worked with (most of the time), but hated what I did. So, after a few missed attempts at promotions, I decided I needed a change. I went back to school and got my Bachelors in Biology. In the course of my Bachelors I decided that I really wanted to be a teacher, so, after my undergrad, I went ahead and completed my Masters in Education.

During all this education, I worked, mostly part-time. I'm a single mom of, if I do say so, one of the brightest and smartest little boys I know, Zachariah. I've been out of my parents house for the most part since I was 18, and throughout Zach's life have always had my own place with him. In order to sustain a household and provide for us I worked part-time. I managed to stay on with the medical billing firm I worked for as a part-timer. They were very generous and even at one point allowed me to work into the evening to get hours in, pretty much inventing a shift. I left for a semester and they even re-hired me for 4-5 months. I finally left in October of 2008 for good and remained working at the community college that I had first attended as a Biology Lab assistant and tutor. It wasn't great money, just a few extra dollars in my pocket for gas. But for the most part, I lived off of student loans.

Now, this was my 3rd attempt at college. I had attended a SUNY University on Long Island right out of high school when I was 17. A mixture of breaking out of my parent's control, drinking, and getting Mono forced me to withdraw after one semester. I continued with 2 night classes the following semester, but at that point in time had just about had it with school, and didn't continue on. I worked, and after getting laid off went back to school when I was 23 for communications and radio/television broadcasting. I loved it. I loved the classes, I loved the hands on work, I loved going from school to school playing dances, I loved participating in charity events. I did not, however, care for the wages of a radio on-air personality. So, after having my son, I went to work for a medical billing company. Which then brings us full circle to the beginning of my tail, me returning to school in 2004 at the age of 29.

Going back to school allowed me to put previous student loans on deferment. But, in order to pay rent, buy groceries, pay for car insurance, pay the electric bill, phone bill, cell bill, cable bill, (etc...) I used student loans. During school the one thing you worry about is studying, and papers, and studying, and exams, and making sure you are doing everything in your power to absorb the course information so that you get a good grade and can move on to more interesting yet more difficult level classes in the next semester. You are not worrying about the amount of money that you are borrowing so that you can go ahead and attend said classes and pay your living expenses while doing so.

But that, unfortunately, is where I am now. Eight months after my final graduation and I am faced with $130,000 in student loan debt. Yes, you read that right. $130,000.00 give or take some change. $81,000 of that debt is private student loans, with the rest being federally back student loans.

What's the difference you ask? Oh, please let me enlighten you. Federally back student loans, a.k.a. FFELP loans, are backed by just that, the federal government. They are serviced by a company, such as Sallie Mae, American Education Services, or a number of other companies that do the same job, but there is a guarantee. If you do not pay your student loans, the federal government guarantees those loans. Meaning, you don't pay, they will. Oh-you'll pay regardless. The federal government will sue you, garnish your wages, and claim any rights to any income tax refunds you may have for the rest of your life(or until you being to pay of course).

Private student loans, well, they are very similar to a personal loan that is taken out for 15-30 years. Right now, my monthly payment is going to be about $1000 for all my private student loans. Even when (not if...WHEN) I get my luxurious full time teaching position, I will not be able to afford that payment. As of right now, I have them calling and sending me notice after notice about the balance and amounts due.

So...I called an attorney. I'm not proud of it. I'm down right embarrassed about it. I've had a sinking feeling in my stomach for a few months now, knowing that it might come to this. This might be my only option at this point though.

One thing I do know, is I have to learn to manage my money better. I'm (gulp...) 34, and I am crappy with money! There...I admit it, I'm bad with money. I need help. I can't ask my parents for help. As with most kid/parent relationships I mostly feel like when I ask for advice from my parents I get a lecture. I don't need a lecture, I need tangible applicable methods that I can enact to better manage my money! A friend suggested a book...The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. So, tomorrow during my errands, I'm going to run my butt over to B&N and pick up a copy. I'm going to take the time to read it, and hopefully, get my financial future back on track.

I was scared to have to start this journey. But after I had the first conversation with the lawyer this morning, I feel a little better. There is still some apprehension there. I still have a long ways to go, but one of my favorite things to do is start on a new journey...so that's how I'm going to look at this, as a fresh new journey.