The Dating World as Seen By a Single Mom

Ok, so I recently decided to re-reenter the dating world. As a single mother I do have a hard time "getting out there". I work in a very social place, many people coming and going, but it's not a really great place to get to know anyone. On the advice of a friend I joined a FREE dating website. I completely understand the saying "you get what you pay for" now.



I have been contacted by the weirdest people I have ever seen. Three quarters of them look like creepers, some look like they have been playing Dungeons and Dragons WAYYYYYYY too long; decked out in black clothes, death tattoos and more eye makeup than you would see on a hoard of drag queens. The others look like they are half crack addicts who would be seen on America's Most Wanted.

I finally received an email from a guy who seemed NORMAL. We emailed back and forth, that graduated to texting back and forth, then we talked on the phone...all over the course of a week. We decide to meet, very casual...movie and dinner afterward. He again...seemed very normal. No hanky panky, acted like a gentleman.

So, I agree to the 2ND date.

The 2ND date was supposed to be dinner at a Mom and Pop pizza/pasta place close to his house. Followed by a walk in Central Park (not NYC), and then possibly a movie. I show up at this place...to be informed that I "caught" him on laundry day. He was wearing ratty pajama pants and a wife beater. Then asks me if it's OK if he cooks me dinner? Sure why not... To be surprised by... hamburger helper. Now, I've never had hamburger helper before.... for a good reason. I can't stand hamburger helper. There were no sides, no salad, no wine.... JUST hamburger helper, which we ate out of metal camping bowls, in front of his TV on the couch. Wow...can you stand the ambiance?

He graced me enough to put on a t-shirt for a walk through the park...conversation was eh-getting very weird. His crazy was starting to show through... The date ended early, I went home. Now before the date ended, he had asked me about going to see another movie...for which he asked ME to pay for. Now I had been really wanting to see the movie, it was just coming out, and regardless of WHOM I was going to go with, I was going to see this movie. So I think, what the hell...sure let's go together, figuring this was the last time I was going to hang out with this guy anyway. The next day I order the tickets online to avoid showing up to a sold-out showing. Later on that day, I get a text from him.... "Bad news, I can't afford to go tomorrow. You can get a refund at the box office" :|

So, not being one to get down about such things, I asked a friend to go with me. I text the guy back and said "No worries, I'll just go with a friend".

Now, remember I had decided that once the movie was over I wasn't going to hang out with the guy again. He didn't text me back the day after the movie, and as such, I went and deleted him off my FaceBook a couple of days later to be finished and done with it.

13 days later...I get a text...

"hey... whatever happened?"

Really. Really?

So I respond... "Well, we went on 2 dates, you bailed on the 3rd date, and then I didn't hear from you for 2 weeks... I think it's pretty obvious what happened."

Now, I thought all was said and done with. What more is there to say? Except NO! He was not happy with that response and wanted vindication! So I received the following reply:

"Actually I didn't bail I couldn't afford to go which is what I told you so if you took that as bailing then that's on u... and second of all it takes two ppl to not communicate .. if ur one of those women who waits for guys to text them first then again that's on u as well"

Now a friend of mine suggested to not even answer... just delete his texts and be about my business. But I was now pissed off! WTF! This guy had now, in my book, surpassed a level of crazy that even I was shocked at...and I work with the public people...I see a hella-lotta crazy! So, NO! I was NOT going to just delete his texts...I needed to get in the last word, I needed to get in the last sting. I needed to tell him he is WRONG!!!!

So I did.

"First of all you did bail on a date that was ALREADY PAID FOR. Maybe you should have put whatever little pride you have left aside, and ASKED me. I would have said don't worry about it, I'll get the popcorn and soda... so that is most definitely on you! Secondly, since you were the one who bailed on me etiquette is that YOU are are the one to initiate the next txt/call... Way to take responsibility for YOUR actions... How bout you go your way, I've already gone mine. Lose my number, I've already lost yours."

I've deleted his number...and I haven't had any random texts from unknown numbers... so I'm assuming he took my suggestion and lost my number.

I think I'm done with the free dating website...you truly get what you pay for.

Holy Long Time Batman!

So, in reading other people's blogs I've realized that it's been forever and a day since I've actually blogged on my own. I was pretty good for a while, and then just forgot one day. One day turned into a week...a week turned into a month...well, you get the picture!

So...what's been going on in my wonderful life?

Let's see...I've been to so many different interviews with my company in an attempt to get a better paying job I've lost count. I am currently awaiting a 2nd interview, which is scheduled for Tuesday at 8am(EEEEK! That's EARLY!). I really do enjoy working for the company. They are very good to their employees...I just need a change. And...better pay, but who couldn't use that.

Also...I need to get out of my parents house. I'm not really sure how I'm going to go about this as of yet. My parents and I have talked about it... February is the time line for operation "Get Heather Outta The House". Getting a better paying job is of course first on the list to enable me to do this. I just haven't been able to save ANY money since I've been here for 2 (LONG) years. I'm so completely bad at money management. It's one of my faults, something I don't care to work on truthfully. I hate it! I've always been able to manage my own household, that's not an issue, I just can never save money. In part that the man in my life in the past always did it for me, for better or for worse at least. I have been saving a little money each week, thanks to the employee savings plans through work. But, those won't come to maturity till October and next April. I've been really good and haven't touched them at all. I opened up a savings and checking account through the credit union at work which direct deposits money every week, but it's WAYYY to easy to WITHDRAW said money!

Ugh...it's something I will be working on for the rest of my life.

Fifty Bizarre U.S. Laws

Alabama
It’s illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

Alaska
Whispering in someone’s ear while he’s moose hunting is prohibited.

Arizona
Cutting down a cactus may earn you a twenty-five-year prison term.

Arkansas
It’s illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas.

California
You may not eat an orange in your bathtub.

Colorado
It’s unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor (Denver).

Connecticut
A pickle cannot actually be a pickle unless it bounces.

Delaware
It’s illegal to get married on a dare.

Washington, D.C.
It’s against the law to post a public notice calling someone a coward for refusing to accept a challenge to duel.

Florida
If you tie an elephant to a parking meter, you must pay the same parking fee as you would for a vehicle.

Georgia
It’s illegal to change the clothes on a storefront mannequin unless you draw the shades first.

Hawaii
All residents may be fined for not owning a boat.

Idaho
A man must not give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing fewer than fifty pounds.

Illinois
It’s illegal to take a French poodle to the opera (Chicago).

Indiana
The value of pi is 4, and not 3.1415.

Iowa
One-armed piano players must perform for free.

Kansas
It’s illegal to throw knives at men wearing striped suits (Natoma).


Kentucky
Every citizen is required to take a shower once a year.

Louisiana
Biting someone with your natural teeth constitutes simple assault, but biting someone with your false teeth classifies as aggravated assault.

Maine
If you keep your Christmas decorations on display after January 14, you’ll be fined.

Maryland
It’s against the law to wash or scrub a sink, no matter how dirty it is (Baltimore).

Massachusetts
No gorilla is allowed in the backseat of any car.

Michigan
A woman may not cut her own hair without her husband’s permission.

Minnesota
It’s illegal to paint a sparrow with the intent of selling it as a parakeet (Harper Woods).

Mississippi
Walking a dog without dressing it in diapers is forbidden (Temperance).

Missouri
Children may buy shotguns in Kansas City, but not toy cap guns.

Montana
It’s a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail.

Nebraska
Bar owners may not sell beer unless they brew a kettle of soup simultaneously.

Nevada
It’s illegal for men with mustaches to kiss women.

New Hampshire
It’s forbidden to sell the clothes you’re wearing to pay off a gambling debt.

New Jersey
It’s against the law for a man to knit during the fishing season.

New Mexico
Females may not appear unshaven in public.

New York
While riding in an elevator, you must talk to no one, fold your hands, and look toward the door.

North Carolina
It’s against the law to sing off-key.

North Dakota
It’s illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.

Ohio
You must honk the horn whenever you pass another car, according to the state’s driver’s education manual.

Oklahoma
It’s forbidden to take a bite out of another person’s hamburger.

Oregon
State law requires dishes to be drip-dried.

Pennsylvania
It’s illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.

Rhode Island
You may not bite off another person’s leg.


South Carolina
If a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, he is required by law to keep his promise.

South Dakota
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.

Tennessee
Selling hollow logs is strictly forbidden.

Texas
You may not shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Utah
It is illegal not to drink milk.

Vermont
Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.

Virginia
Tickling a woman is unlawful.

Washington
It’s illegal to pretend that one’s parents are wealthy.

West Virginia
If you make fun of someone who does not accept a challenge, you risk a six-month prison sentence.

Wisconsin
Unless a customer specifically requests it, margarine may not be substituted for butter in a restaurant.

Wyoming
Unless you have an official permit, you may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April.

Unproductive as they might be, I will never stop having crushes

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Ok so, WOW, it's been over a month since I've posted. I took my son to Boston for the end of his Spring break and had a BLAST with my best friend. Met with my cousin who just graduated from BU for dinner. Ended up going to the Museum of Art, and the Science Museum, and went on a Boston Duck tour (which I HIGHLY recommend if you ever venture to Boston!) What else has been going on? Well... I'm still looking for a job. I've applied to a few more places... there just seems to be no calls coming in though! I don't know if these places are just getting flooded with applicants, or what. What is a girl to do to make her resume stand out and get a foot in the door??

My son is doing INCREDIBLE at school...he's finishing up his running club this Wednesday, with a 1K or 2K run. He's not sure what he's going to run, but the fact that he's running it is GREAT. I think he's lost weight, and he's getting SO TALL! He also made the Principal's List at school...the list higher than honor roll! So, I'm a VERY proud Mama.

And...on the love life...still single. But I have a crush... hehehe

I work with him...and I've vowed never to do that again....but, he's so cute, and great to talk to. He's level headed and tall. And he's mature for his age...he's a younger man lol....27. Anyway...just a crush. Those are nice to have. Puts a little skip back in my step.:D

Off to Boston!

Off to Boston tomorrow! Going to the Prudential Bldg, Fenway Park, and possibly Museum of Fine Arts, then Museum of Science and on a duck tour! Will have pictures when I get back!

A planted seed leads to growing love...

Growing up I remember an "aunt" that used to live at my grandparents house. She wasn't technically an aunt, she was actually my father's first cousin that got taken in by my grandparents. She was around the same age as the rest of my aunts and uncles so it just seem normal to call her "Aunt Carrie". I always remember her very fondly even though I was not particularly close to her. It has been 20 years since I've seen her, and I don't think she keeps in much contact with the rest of the family.

The one memory that sticks in my head is the Christmas when I was 11 though. I remember standing in the kitchen of my grandparents huge house. There were about 10 other people crammed into a kitchen not designed to fit that many people, but it was always the center of all the commotion. I remember my Aunt Carrie pulling me into the dining room to give me a Christmas present. I thought it was odd, because I had never received a present from her before, and I don't recall my brother receiving anything. She handed me a small package and told me to open it. I opened a small cassette tape. (For those of you who are scratching your heads, cassette tapes are what they used to put music on before CDs and way before MP3s.) Aunt Carrie told me that the woman on the cover of the cassette was her favorite singer and she thought that I would really enjoy her. I glanced over the cassette not recognizing the beautiful woman with the long curly hair on the cover named Amy Grant. I said "thank you", gave Aunt Carrie a hug, and skipped through the house, handing the cassette to my mom who dutifully placed the gift in her purse for safe keeping.

I don't remember if I opened the cassette that evening, but it wasn't that much later that I had. I popped the tape into my Walkman (circa 1986 here people...work with me) and put my headphones on and started to listen. Now for all you that remember Walkmans and cassette tapes, there was no "skip" function. You listened to a song in it's entirety. There was a fast forward, but that tended to screech in your ears and eventually over time ruin the tape. So, I would lay on my bed at night during my "me" time and listen to the tape. Over and over I listened to Side A, then Side B.

Now, when I was 11 I wouldn't consider myself "saved". I had been to a Methodist church with my mom, even sang in their children's choir on Sundays. As a tradition we attended Christmas Eve service with my grandparents every year at the Catholic cathedral where my father received his communion and confirmation. But at 11, had you asked me if I had a relationship with God, I don't think I would have known what to tell you. I know I believed in God. I had never doubted he existed. But at that time I didn't feel connected to Him.

Over time Amy Grant was replaced by Def Leppard and Guns N'Roses, New Kids on the Block, Bon Jovi and MC Hammer. Then Simon and Garfunkel, Aerosmith, Seals and Crofts, Led Zeppelin, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Green Day, Eric Clapton and Queen started their quests to permanently ruin my hearing. Soon, the tape that I was given was long forgotten.

As a teenager, my father became a Born-Again Christian. He attended a church very near to our home with my Mom. I didn't care to go, I was very busy with my own life. During high school I had my friends, homework, sports. Those things occupied every waking moment of my life. After high school, I had college, friends, friends, and more friends, and working. I was having fun working and partying, I had no time for church or God, that was my prime sleeping in time.

It wasn't until I was pregnant with my son at 24 that I really started to connect with God and started going back to Church. I had spent years fighting my father about his "forcing" his Christian values on me to only realize that I wanted to instill those very values in my child. I knew that becoming a Christian didn't make you perfect. But I wanted my son to grow up with some kind of education about God, and to know His love. What started out as me attending for my son grew my love and worship of the Lord God Almighty.

Oh trust me, I've wandered from His path PLENTY of times. I've made HUGE mistakes, even in the past 10 years of going to church. I'd stopped attending at one point, finding that MY sleep or MY spare time was more important than my spiritual education or awakening. But over the past 3 years my son and I have been attending a non-denominational evangelical Christian church regularly. I still have my days where sleeping in overpowers my want for attending service, like I said, becoming a Christian does not make you perfect.

In the past year I have been finding that my love for Worship music is steadily growing. My brother became a born again Christian about 5 years ago and strictly listens to Christian music. Be it Christian worship, Christian pop, Christian rock, Christian hard rock, he listens to it. I have not given up my love of secular music. I've been a classic rock lover for too many years to give it up. But, standing up in church every Sunday singing praise to the Lord has become my favorite part of going to church. Our church is a modern church and, according to what the pastor stated Easter Sunday, we do things a little differently. We have a full rock band lead us in worship every weekend. Not everything is head banging rock and roll, but they definitely get you clapping your hands or stomping a foot or two. I had an epiphany this weekend where I realized that the worship time was my favorite time, and I really loved singing praises and giving thanks to the Lord through song.

After Easter dinner had been eaten and we were all sitting around with full tummies, I went and started downloading some Christian worship songs. Mostly some of the favorites that I know from singing in church, I also downloaded some bands that I wouldn't normally listen to, ones I know I've heard my father and brother talk about(my Dad's still rockin' it at 59!). Sorting through and playing with my iTunes software I came across my Amy Grant collection. I had almost forgotten that I had the songs. My memories of laying on my bed listening to "My Father's Eyes", "Sing Your Praises To The Lord", and "Thy Word" came flooding back. I may not have realized at 11 the impact of listening to those wonderful worship songs were making, but I now know that they have greatly influenced and nurtured my love of Worship songs.

Trials and Tribulations of a Mom

So...today was a trying day. On Wednesdays Zach attends a special afternoon activity, it's bowling at the local bowling alley. It's only a 10 week program, and they charge $10 for 3 games, shoes, and the transportation to the alley. So, for the past few weeks I've been sending Zach to school with a $20 bill in an envelope clearly labeled "BOWLING $$" and have told him that he is to give the envelope to the people at the alley. I had tried to prepay at the beginning of the program, but they decided that prepay wasn't a good idea incase of emergencies, or a snow day. They didn't want to have to worry about refunding anyone any money. The last two times our envelope system worked, no problems. He gave the woman at the alley the money, and the excess $10 was applied to the next weeks bowling. I verified with the woman in charge that the money was received.

Today was different. I put the money in the envelope as usual and brought Zach to school. I picked him up from bowling BUT didn't check with the woman about the money. I thought, hey-I can trust him, he's a good kid. Zach asked what we were having for dinner, I told him Chicken Manicotti, he didn't seem very interested, but with new things he usually never is. During dinner he picked at his plate. He offered to eat twice as many vegetables in exchange of his main dish. He was acting like he'd already eaten. My mom picked up on it and kept asking Zach what he had to eat at the bowling alley. Every time he answered nothing.

Finally I told him that if he answered honestly he wouldn't get in trouble.

Now I know that I shouldn't have said it quite like that. I should have said that he wouldn't get in as much trouble. And now I'm worried that in the future he might not be as willing to tell me things.

He finally admitted to taking money. When the woman at the bowling alley was collecting money, Zach opened the envelope, gave her the $20 bill, then asked for $10 change, of which she gave him. Why shouldn't she, she's not his mother, she didn't know that he would get in trouble. So, he took the $10 bill and went to the snack bar with his friend, and bought curly fries, cookies and ice cream. $10 worth... of curly fries.... cookies.... and ice cream.

He shared with his friend...how nice.

I sat at the kitchen table listening to Zach tell me what he did with the money. I didn't yell. I didn't scream. I didn't say anything. I just sat there. Zach stared at his food, then looked up and asked, "Are you mad at me?"

Yes, yes I am.

So...I didn't erupt. Zach is 9. He's done some really stupid things in the past. But, I chalk it up to the fact, that's he's 9. This, this took a thought process. He had to decide to take the money KNOWING that he would eventually get in trouble. It might not have been today, it might have been the next time he went bowling. I would show up to pick him up and be confronted by the woman at the alley telling me that I owed her money. I would then say, "No, that's impossible, he came with $20 last week." Then I would see the look on his face that would tell me what happened. That didn't happen though. He owned up to what he did. Immediately I told him he would no longer go to the after school program. There was only 3 more weeks left, but that was beside the point, he dug his grave. I told him right then that I wasn't done with his punishment, that I would have to think about it. The whole time my mom was telling Zach that he was a few minutes away from a spanking. Now, I know she was mad. But I stopped spanking Zach a long time ago. It's been at least 3 years since I've given him a meaningful swat on the behind. I didn't have any plans to spank Zach. He tried coming to me two times to apologize, but I was still too mad and told him that I wasn't ready to hear it.

So, right before bedtime I made a decision. While Zach was out talking to Nena, I disconnected his computer monitor. For Christmas Zach got his very own computer for his bedroom. He's been on it a lot, and I knew that this would be hitting him hard, and removing the monitor is a visual reminder of what he's lost. I brought him into his room and told him that he would not have any computer for 1 month. I told him that after 1 month I would decide whether I trust him enough to get the computer back. I also told him that he would be repaying me. Now, Zach went to my grandparents 2 weeks ago, and my grandmother sweetly gave Zach $10 for helping with yard work. I figured it would be too easy for him just to reach into his wallet and pay me back. I told him that I work hard for my money and that he would have to work hard to pay me back, at $0.25 an hour. My cousin Ceara gave me the idea of a quarter an hour telling me that her husband's father used to do the same thing with him and his siblings. She suggested $0.50 an hour, I told her I wasn't adjusting for inflation.

Then I had a conversation with Zach about his behavior. I told him that I was really disappointed in his behavior. I'm always told by my friends and other people about how well behaved he is. I hold higher expectations for him than he holds for himself.

I made a motion at his eye level and said "Zach, this is the level your friends are at. Do you know what level you are on?"

He made a thumbs down motion.

"Wrong."

"Your friends are here", I said making the motion again, "Where are you?"

He gave me a thumbs up sign this time. "That's right. You are way up here!" and I made a motion that was way above his head, way above my head even. I told him how he was so much better than this. That I know what a great kid he is, what a great person he is. I knew he could do better, and that he will do better because he has it in him to do better. I put Zach to bed, he was still visibly upset. He said his nightly prayers in a mumble. Afterward he looked at me and said, "Well, I could have done a better job at that." So I responded, "Then lets!", and we re-said our prayers. After prayers I told him that I was ready to hear his apology. He told me that he was very sorry that he disappointed me, and that he knows he can do better, and that he would try really hard to be a better son and not do anything like this again. I told him that I loved him very much and gave him tons of good night kisses and an extra long goodnight hug.

After I told Nena and Papa that Zach was waiting for his goodnight kisses, I went into my bedroom and tried really really hard not to cry. I've said before that I'm going to be bad at this parent thing. I'm going to make a ton of mistakes. I can't help but feel that I've done something in his rearing that would have compelled him to do this, especially when he can't tell me WHY he does the things that he does! Every day is a new adventure with a 9 year old boy. I said the same thing last year when he was 8, and I'll say the same thing next year when he's 10. I thank God that he blessed me with such a wonderful little boy.